Today, I got fed up.
I’m tired of making excuses.
I’m tired of thinking and planning.
I’m tired of waiting for something to happen.
I’m tired of putting things off.
I’m tired of waiting until I have more knowledge/energy/experience/money/ideas.
Today, I did something. It was a small something, but it felt good. Best of all, it put me in a doing-something frame of mind.
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I spent the weekend in South Carolina for my cousin Ryan’s wedding. The women of SC are beautiful and gracious and I see why they’re called southern belles.
The weather? Little too hot and humid for me, though to be fair, it’s unseasonably hot and humid in Michigan right now too.
I enjoyed a lot of time with my cousin Rani (yay!) and a little time with some of my other cousins. Of all the cousins, I fall right in the middle of the age range. There are seven who are older than me, and six who are younger than me. As a kid, it used to bother me that I was the cut-off person for the kids’ table. Seeing them as adults makes me glad I was at the kids’ table.
I’m overwhelmed with pride and love for all of them. It was especially fun to see the boys now as men. I mean, they’ve been adults for years now, but I got a different perspective this weekend. I felt very secure knowing these strong and confident men, all 9+ years younger than me, were looking out for my well-being. It was also fun to see the girls throwing themselves at these same handsome and charismatic cousins.
My Aunt Sharon, mother of the groom, put together some photo albums of the extended family. It was a lot of fun seeing pictures of my dad as a young man.
As out-of-town guests, we were invited to the rehearsal dinner. It was the best Chinese food ever. My Aunt Sharon seated my dad and my Uncle Gordon at the heads of the Lee table. I was touched to learn my dad had been seated in a place of honor that years ago would have been occupied by my late Great Grandmother.
The wedding was lovely, but it’s the memories of spending time with my family that will stick with me the most.
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Wednesday left me feeling a bit… eh.
It was good ol’ self-doubt again.
Having discovered my thing—my new wonderful thing—has energized me. But what about my other thing? I’m not quite ready to abandon it yet, but my heart isn’t in it right now.
Feeling pulled in two directions, I called my #1 Fan on Thursday for some guidance. She helped me find some clarity and I helped her find her thing. Win-win.
Today, it’s raining.
I’m not talking about the weather. My first thing is growing despite my passiveness. People are interested. They want to know more.
I’m not sure how I feel about this little burst.
My new thing is on the verge of something big. I’m connecting with people in ways which are very new to me. These seemingly small connections are turning into giant opportunities.
I feel eager, yet unprepared. I feel excitement and worry. I feel like I want to dance. Or vomit.
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I started a new business. Yes. This is where I have been the past two weeks. I have been venturing outside my comfort zone and meeting new people. My twitter contacts have doubled, though I’m still not tweeting smartly.
In two weeks, I’ve grown a lot. My attitude has changed. My confidence has improved. When I say, “I started a new business this week” I do so without hesitation. It wasn’t like this when I started my jewelry biz. I always struggled with feeling like a wannabe. This time, I feel like the expert.
The new biz is Craft E Templates, though I’m still playing around with the name. I tend to prefer fun names over descriptive names. I build starter websites for crafters, and provide business tips and ideas to new craft businesses.
Perfect fit for me, right?
In PoppyFish news, I was contacted by a local shop who wants to carry my jewelry line. I’ve been dragging my feet on designing new stuff. Since I emerged from my unhappy place several months ago, my jewelry has become very personal.
I still want to make jewelry. I’m just not as eager to sell my jewelry as I once was. It feels a little like selling pieces of myself.
This isn’t a new idea, selling pieces of myself. It’s been said by countless artists before me. But now that I’m in this place, I can fully appreciate the sentiment. I’m not so sure I’m okay letting strangers own pieces of me.
My jewelry has always been for me, I think. I create it because it makes me happy. And even though other people are wearing my jewelry, I feel a little isolated from the experience.
My new business is all about helping other people do their thing. There’s a connection between what I do and what they do. I find that satisfying.
This is the first time I’ve felt sentimental about my art. Always, it was the process of creating that energized me. The fate of the final product was of no concern to me. And I say this about all my art, not just my jewelry.
Will my feelings change? I don’t know. I’m not ready to make any decisions about the fate of my jewelry business right now, so I’m not actively seeking new wholesale account at this time. My plan is to sustain my jewelry business while I grow my new one.
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This week, I built blog templates. I realize it’s strange for someone who has difficulty keeping up writing blog posts with any sort of regularity to be obsessed with building new blogs. I am a little obsessed though. This brings my count up to six sites. The silly part is that the new sites have no content. They’re just designs and ideas right now. Story of my life, right?
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I fiddled with my blog template today, so some things might not be working as expected. I know I’m missing at least one photo (after spending hours uploading all my photos again.) What a pain in the neck. This new template should make things better from here on out though.
I also spent six hours setting my online shop up again. Funny thing is, the site has been ready to go for a couple weeks now. I had to make some teeny tiny little adjustments to some of the wording, etc. So why the heck did it take SIX HOURS to fix? Time flies when you’re building websites.
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Whoa, almost missed blogging the entire month of April. Long absence between posts means, of course, updates.
Florida
Went. Now we’re back. The weather was unseasonably pleasant for Florida, and I was happy. We all got burnt though, despite my diligent efforts to keep sunscreen on us all the time. Oh, and we saw dolphins!
Thyroid
I finally got around to seeing someone about the symptoms I’ve been having. I chose to see an alternative medicine doctor this time, against the advice of some of my family. All signs point to having mono nearly 20 years ago. I did a little reading on my own, and it seems mono/Epstein-Barr Virus, thyroid disease, and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome are closely related and often go hand-in-hand. (I was diagnosed with CFS after two bouts of mono.) So, we’re treating the EBV. My doctor also explained why dairy might be a problem for me because of the EBV. So, I’m also giving up dairy for one month. Living without dairy for one month will definitely be a test of my willpower.
Procrastinate
Yeah, that’s me. I have lots of ideas for things I want to do, but the actual doing isn’t getting done. I’m hoping this miserable fatigue will start to fade away within the next couple days and I’ll be left with boundless energy. And I’m hoping *that* will make the difference between the me who wants to do things, and the me who actually does things. I make myself a to-do list every day, but it’s a little sad when I have to add things like “empty the dishwasher” to the list to feel like I’ve accomplished something.
Seriously, if I don’t start to feel better soon, I’ll have to assume I’m just lazy, and won’t that be depressing?
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Thyroid
My sister suggested I get my thyroid checked. I had it checked many years ago when I first began experiencing extreme fatigue, but I was told everything was normal. Since then, I’ve accepted my symptoms as my fault. My fatigue, weakness, depression, and inability to maintain my healthiest size were all due to a flaw in my personality. Other symptoms were overlooked as things that happen when we get older. When I noticed my ankles were swollen a few weeks ago, I knew it wasn’t a personality flaw. It’s time for me to do something.
Florida
Tomorrow night, we’re leaving for Florida. Yeah, it seems sudden. It’s sudden to me too. Rob was going to take the boys to see his family, and I was going to stay home. I really dislike Florida’s weather. And staying with family for a week isn’t exactly my idea of a vacation. But then I got a pedicure and noticed how pale my feet looked, and decided I could use a little sun. I know it sounds like I’m going to Florida to tan my feet, but it’s really just the catalyst, not the cause.
Website
While I was waiting for my torch to be repaired, I built a new website. I know, this is something like the fifth or sixth time I’ve gotten a new site. I think this one will stick though. Past issues have always been either a cart I didn’t love, or a design I couldn’t manage myself. I love my new cart, and I can manage the design myself. Right now, it’s perfect. Um, we’ll see how long it lasts.
I have my torch back, so jewelry making is happening.
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I’ve started to notice a change in my self-confidence lately. I don’t know the cause of the change, but it’s a good change. For the first time in a very long time, I feel valuable. My outlook is positive, even as the atmosphere in Michigan is somewhat bleak.
I started my yoga class again this week. I’ve been three times since Monday, and I tried a cardio-kickboxing class with my sister on Tuesday. My muscles are sore, but my spirit feels great. (Sore vs Soar. Get it?) I’ve decided yoga class is something more than simply an enjoyable activity to me. Yoga is important. It’s more than important. It’s necessary. I must continue to make yoga class a part of my life for the good of my whole being—mind, body, and soul.
I’ve been sitting on my new jewelry idea for a couple weeks now because my torch needs repairing. The torch is a little more than a year old, and already I’ve had to service it twice. The first problem was a faulty regulator which was upgraded at no charge to me. This time, it’s a problem with the oxygen valve. I don’t know yet what that will mean to my pocketbook. Being the impatient artist I am, it’s a little frustrating to have the idea, and the time, and the motivation, but no torch. I’m using my down time to rework my website and redesign new business cards though.
The craft show I wrote about a few weeks ago is on Saturday. Obviously, no torch means no jewelry which means no craft show for me this time. I’d like to walk the show and see if it would have been a good first show for me though. The same group holds another show in the fall, so maybe I can be ready by then. I’m not holding my breath or anything, just toying with ideas.
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Vitamin D.
New jewelry design. FINALLY.
Freecycle. Finding homes for my stuff.
Making progress clearing out boxes in the studio.
Sunshine. Birds. Grass.
SPRING!
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